I'd be lying if I did't at least admit that this day did't sting just a bit. 15 years after his death, I still want to commemorate this birthday, because in my mind, he's still with me.
Ironically, God knows exactly how I feel before I'm even ready to admit it. So today, was a special day, just for Dad.
It's December 3, 2017. I awake to the insistence of our dog, Marley. She had stuff to do, and apparently the start to my morning wasn't early enough for my furry friend. I hop to my feet, stumble to the bath, and look at my phone, December 3rd stares back at me. A flood of emotions enters my heart. What if, what would, if he could.... God I miss him.
My usual routine takes over, by 9 a.m. Ronny and I are on our way to Sunday School. I LOVE my time at church. It replenishes my extinguished soul. Each week, each lesson, touches me in a way I never expected.
This week, I know God is speaking to me. Joseph, the humble carpenter, is the subject of our discussion and lesson plan in Sunday School. Our subject matter is Dads!
In Adam Hamilton's devotional he mentions the quote by Freud , "The psychoanalysis of individual human beings, however, teaches us with quite special insistence that the god of each of them is formed in the likeness of his father, that his personal relation to God depends on his relation to his father in the flesh and oscillates and changes along with that relation, and that at bottom God is nothing other than an exalted father."
The discussion is profound. The bottom line, Dads influence their children, in a way that no one else can. Negative, positive, exemplary, etc... The role model of the Dad, is significant.
Joseph, the subject of our study today, rose above his circumstance, rose above his challenge, and CHOSE to stand by his chosen mate, and look fear in the face. Do you, or did you, have a Dad like this?
My day moves forward. Our lesson today in church was about hope; Hope that is available to us. I'd be lying again if I didn't admit that my hope sometimes gets tied up in the hopeless.
But today, Brother Luke, spoke to my heart. A heart that has been longing for reconciliation. And I know that many of you will get this....
We put our parents on such a pedestal that they will undoubtedly and most assuredly will fail us. Our expectations are unreal, while we afford ourselves the ability to fail, we don't and can't see our own parents in the same light. By the time we realize that these people are just human, fighting to stay above water, it's too late to tell them that we "get it".
My father was just one part of the duo that formed me, raised me, and nurtured me into the person that I am. From him I know that I got my sense of humor, for which I'm eternally grateful, my squinty eyes, for which I wish I weren't blessed, and my wild hair (a throwback a generation from his mom). But most importantly he helped teach me compassion. Daddy never met a strange, never saw anyone as unworthy, and never discounted a soul.
Today, I want to wish my Dad, a Happy Birthday! Today was a good day.
